Emotional Healing, Empowerment, midlife reinvention, personal growth, self help, Spiritual Awakening, women over 40

Choosing yourself after trauma

Choosing Yourself After Trauma

There’s a country song called Remember When by Alan Jackson that recently stopped me in my tracks. It’s tender and nostalgic—a look back on a long, loving marriage, a life built together, weathered and wise.

But when I heard it, I didn’t feel comfort.
I felt a deep sadness.
Because I realized—I’ve never had that.

What I’ve had instead is pain, betrayal, control, abandonment. I’ve been the daughter who was never enough. The wife who was taken for granted, used, or manipulated. The mother trying her best to hold it all together with broken tools and an open heart.

I’m 44 now. My kids are grown or almost grown—27, 27, and 17. And I carry this ache that maybe I failed them. That maybe I failed myself.

But something in me has shifted.
Not because someone saved me.
But because I started choosing myself after trauma.

And so I wrote this. Not as a love song between two people—but as a soul song for any woman who has ever been made to feel like she was the problem. For anyone who has lived through narcissistic abuse, emotional abandonment, or toxic love… and is still here.

If You’re on Your Own Healing Journey

This post is for the woman who is starting over—after emotional abuse, after divorce, after years of putting everyone else first. Remember, choosing yourself after trauma isn’t selfish

If you’ve ever wondered:

Is it too late to find peace?
How do I stop feeling like I failed my kids?
How can I reclaim my voice and worth after toxic love?

You’re not alone. And it’s not too late.
This is the beginning of your real story.

Remember When (I Chose Me)

A healing anthem for the woman who’s still standing

Remember when
I thought love meant staying quiet
Swallowed dreams to keep the peace
Played small so they’d stay near
I lost myself to keep them whole
And cried in silence, year by year

Remember when
I smiled through the damage
Wore shame like second skin
Thought it was my fault again
I gave and gave and gave some more
Still they left, or took, or broke me in

But then one day
The ache turned into anger
And anger into flame
I looked into the mirror
And whispered my own name
I saw the girl who dreamed of more
And realized—I wasn’t to blame

Remember when
I chose to stop pretending
I burned the script they handed me
And wrote my own instead
I held my heart with both my hands
And grieved the past I never had

Remember when
I loved my children fiercely
Not with a perfect storybook
But with truth, and grit, and grace
I showed them what redemption looks like
In a woman finding her place

Remember when
I stopped needing their permission
And turned the pain into a path
I stood up tall, became my own
And left no love for last

And maybe I won’t dance slow at dusk
With a man who held me through
But I will dance with peace inside
Because I held myself back too

Remember when…
I finally came home to me

Final Reflection

If this spoke to your heart, there are a few ways to keep exploring this journey with me:

🎙️ Listen to the Podcast
I share real stories of women over 40 who are rewriting the rules and reclaiming their truth.
→ Search “Unwritten” on your favorite podcast app or listen here: Unwritten

📷 Book a Portrait Session
Let’s capture this new season of your life—the one where you feel seen, powerful, and free to just be you.
→ Contact Me Today!

📖 Download “The Permission Slip” Workbook
If you’re ready to stop seeking validation and start trusting your own voice, this free workbook will help you release old guilt and reconnect with your self-worth.
→ Click Here To Get It Delivered To Your Inbox

You are not unlovable.
You were just waiting to be seen by the right person.
Start with you.

She Was a Chapter, Not the Whole Story

Healing Your Past Self Begins with Compassion, Not Criticism

There comes a time in every woman’s life when she realizes she’s still carrying pieces of her past—old wounds, unmet needs, and unanswered questions. This isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s an invitation. This soulful guide to healing your past self is here to help you gently release what no longer serves you, reclaim the worth that was always yours, and begin writing a new chapter rooted in self-trust, wholeness, and truth. Inside, you’ll find reflection, emotional closure, and powerful journal prompts to guide your transformation.

How to Heal the Woman You Were and Reclaim Who You’re Becoming

There’s a version of me that still lives in the quiet spaces of my heart.
The one who tried so hard to be good, to be loved, to belong.
She was the daughter, the wife, the woman who poured out so much love—only to feel unseen, unreceived, and unworthy.

I met her in a ritual recently—not with candles or sage, but with presence. I asked her:
“What do you need from me so you can finally be free?”

Her answer broke my heart open:

“I just wanted to know why they couldn’t see how much I loved them.”

She wasn’t angry. She was grieving.
Grieving the blindness of others. The way love bounced off closed hearts. The way her belonging was never guaranteed.

So I told her the truth:

“It wasn’t you.
They couldn’t receive you because they didn’t know how to receive themselves.
You are not unlovable.
You are seen now.
And you are free.”

What She Needed Wasn’t Fixing—It Was Validation

We all have a version of ourselves stuck in time, still waiting for closure from people who could never give it. Now is the time to move to healing your past self.
But here’s the truth: closure doesn’t come from them. It comes from us.
We are the ones who can return, hold her hand, and tell her the words she’s waited years to hear.

Journal Prompts for Releasing the Past

What part of me is still waiting to be seen or validated?
What did I try to prove to people who never truly saw me?
If I could speak to the version of me who felt invisible, what would I say?
What is she free to do, feel, or become now?

🕯️ A Releasing Affirmation

“I am no longer responsible for their blindness.
I am seen. I am worthy. I am free to love and be loved in return.”

Final Reflection

There is nothing wrong with being someone who loves deeply.
The mistake wasn’t in how much love you gave.
The pain came from offering it to those who couldn’t hold it.

But now, you’re not offering love to prove your worth.

Now its time to healing your past self.
You’re offering love from wholeness.
And that changes everything.

If this spoke to your heart, there are a few ways to keep exploring this journey with me:

🎙️ Listen to the Podcast
I share real stories of women over 40 who are rewriting the rules and reclaiming their truth.
→ Search “Unwritten” on your favorite podcast app or listen here: Unwritten

📷 Book a Portrait Session
Let’s capture this new season of your life—the one where you feel seen, powerful, and free to just be you.
→ Contact Me Today!

📖 Download “The Permission Slip” Workbook
If you’re ready to stop seeking validation and start trusting your own voice, this free workbook will help you release old guilt and reconnect with your self-worth.
→ Click Here To Get It Delivered To Your Inbox

You are not unlovable.
You were just waiting to be seen by the right person.
Start with you.

Tanya Trapp’s Next Chapter: Personal Branding Photography in Baraboo

Personal Branding Photography in Baraboo

When Tanya Trapp walked into the studio, she had just reached a major milestone: she earned her broker’s license. 🎉
That moment—the confidence, the growth, the next-level energy—deserved to be documented.

Tanya is a powerhouse in the Baraboo real estate world. She’s smart, hardworking, and full of vision for what’s next in her business. And like so many women stepping into something bigger, she knew it was time for photos that reflected who she is now.

That’s exactly what personal branding photography in Baraboo is about—capturing who you’re becoming, not just who you’ve been.

Why Personal Branding Photography Is So Powerful

Whether you’re getting a promotion, launching a new business, or simply showing up more fully in your brand—how you present yourself matters. And your photos? They’re often the first impression.

Your headshot isn’t just a profile picture. It’s a story. A statement. A visual handshake.

With Tanya, we focused on creating images that felt modern, clean, confident, and real—photos she could use across her website, social media, marketing materials, and LinkedIn as she steps into this new chapter as a licensed broker.

If you’re searching for studio photography in Baraboo that helps you feel seen and celebrated, this is what I do.

Studio Photography That Feels Like You

I specialize in working with women—especially women over 40—who are reinventing themselves, stepping into leadership, or finally claiming space in a new way. A personal branding session with me isn’t just about getting “a nice headshot.” It’s about:

Confidence – Seeing yourself the way others already do
Clarity – Showing up with visuals that match your message
Connection – Creating trust with your audience before you ever say a word

Tanya’s session was filled with joy, clarity, and that quiet fire that happens when someone knows they’re stepping into their purpose.

Why Personal Branding Photography Is So Powerful

Whether you’re getting a promotion, launching a new business, or simply showing up more fully in your brand—how you present yourself matters. And your photos? They’re often the first impression.

Your headshot isn’t just a profile picture. It’s a story. A statement. A visual handshake.

With Tanya, we focused on creating images that felt modern, clean, confident, and real—photos she could use across her website, social media, marketing materials, and LinkedIn as she steps into this new chapter as a licensed broker.

Is It Time for Your Next Chapter to Be Seen?

If you’re growing, pivoting, or stepping into a new season of your career or business, personal branding photography in Baraboo might be the missing piece.

Whether you need a clean, professional headshot or a full collection of branding images for your website, I’d love to help you create portraits that reflect who you are now—and where you’re headed.

✨ Let’s create something meaningful together.
Contact Me to book your session.

Trust the Timing of Your Life

You are not late. You are right on time.

There’s this quiet pressure I think a lot of us feel—especially when we hit 40 and beyond.
Like we’re behind.
Like everyone else got the memo on how to do life, and we’re over here still trying to figure it out with a coffee in one hand and a midlife identity crisis in the other.

But can I just say something I wish someone would’ve told me years ago?

You are not late.
And more importantly—trust the timing of your life.

Let Go of the Timeline That Was Never Yours

We’ve been handed this checklist:
Get the degree. Build the career. Find the person. Get married. Have kids. Buy the house.
And somewhere in all of that, we’re supposed to feel complete.

But what happens when you do all the “right” things and still feel unfulfilled?
Or when life throws you a curveball and the checklist goes up in flames?

That’s when the real invitation begins—
To rewrite your story.
To trust the timing of your life, even when it makes no sense at all.

For the Woman in the Middle of the Mess

If you’re reading this in the middle of a season that feels uncertain, you’re not alone.
Maybe you’re rebuilding after a breakup.
Or rethinking your entire career.
Or finally getting honest about what you want.

Let me remind you:

This isn’t a setback.
It’s a return.
To yourself. To your voice. To your truth.

You are not late.

You are shedding the version of yourself that was built on shoulds and stepping into the woman you were always meant to be.
This? This is the moment you start to trust the timing of your life—not because it’s easy, but because it’s real.

What Helps Me Trust the Timing

Let’s be honest: trusting anything when you’re in the thick of it can feel impossible. But these are the practices that ground me:

→ Get quiet with yourself.

Your soul has things to say, but you have to stop drowning it out with everyone else’s noise.

→ Ask different questions.

Instead of “What’s wrong with me?” try “What if this is exactly where I’m supposed to be?”

→ Honor the pause.

Not every season is for action. Some are for healing. Some are for listening. That’s part of trusting the timing of your life, too.

Final Thoughts

You don’t need to rush.
You don’t need to catch up.
You don’t need to explain your timeline to anyone.

There’s no behind.
There’s only becoming.

Wherever you are right now—in the grief, the rebuild, the rebirth—
Know this:
You are not late. You are right on time.
And when in doubt, trust the timing of your life.

Next Steps

→ Download my free workbook, T he Permission Slip to help you release guilt and reclaim what you really want.
→ Book a portrait session that reflects not just how you look—but who you’re becoming.
→ Listen to my podcast, Unwritten, where real people share their real, raw, and radiant reinventions.

Because it’s not too late to rewrite your story.
You just have to trust the timing.

Rewrite Your Inner Story

Change the Way You Speak to Yourself: Rewrite Your Inner Story

We hear a lot about mindset these days — but at the heart of a healthy mindset is something even simpler: the way you talk to yourself.

The words you whisper inside your mind every day create the foundation for your confidence, decisions, relationships, and even your future.
Yet for many of us, the automatic messages we play on repeat sound more like criticism than encouragement.

If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking:

“I’m not ready.”
“I always mess things up.”
“Why bother trying?”

—you’re not alone. But the good news is: you have the power to change it.

How to Rewrite the Stories You’re Telling Yourself

Step 1: Catch the Old Story

Notice the thoughts or phrases you repeat when you’re stressed, doubting yourself, or hesitating to act.
Write them down without judgment.
Examples:

“I’m not good enough.”
“I always fail at this.”
“I need to have everything figured out first.”

Step 2: Question It

Ask yourself:

Is this thought absolutely true?
Who would I be without this belief?
Does this belief help me move toward the life I want?

Spoiler: Most of the time, the answer will be no.

Step 3: Rewrite It

Choose a new phrase or belief that feels empowering, supportive, and open to possibility — even if it feels unfamiliar at first.
Examples:

“I am learning and growing every day.”
“I have survived so much already — I can handle this too.”
“It’s safe to start before I feel 100% ready.”

Write the new version next to the old one. Speak it aloud. Feel it in your body.

This is how you plant the seeds for new, empowering inner dialogue.

Small Shifts Create Big Transformations

You don’t have to be perfect at this.
You don’t have to catch every old thought.
Even shifting one sentence a day can create momentum over time.

Self-talk is like sunlight to your growth:
The more you nurture yourself with kind, clear, courageous words, the stronger your confidence will grow.

Final Thought: Talk to Yourself Like Someone You Love

Imagine speaking to yourself the way you would speak to a beloved friend or a child who is learning.
You wouldn’t tear them down. You would encourage them. Cheer for them. Remind them of their strength.

You deserve that too.

Because the way you talk to yourself isn’t just a reflection of how you feel — it’s a map for where you’re headed.

And you’re heading somewhere beautiful.

Ready to Keep Rewriting Your Story?

🌟 If you’re ready to see yourself with new eyes — inside and out — I invite you to:

Book a portrait session with me and capture the beautiful, authentic story you’re living. [Learn more about my sessions here ➔]
Download my free workbook, The Permission Slip, designed to help you reconnect with your true voice and build lasting self-trust. [Get your free copy ➔]
Join my newsletter for weekly inspiration, personal growth tips, and updates on new resources and retreats. [Sign up here ➔]

You deserve to be seen, celebrated, and supported — in every chapter of your life.
✨ Let’s start with this one.

Creating a Life You Love

Creating a Life You Love with Shawndell Marks

What does it really mean to “make it”?

That question kept weaving its way through my latest conversation with one of my dearest friends, Shawndell Marks—a gifted musician, teacher, and all-around brave human. We’ve known each other for nearly two decades, and it’s been one of the greatest joys to witness her evolution—both creatively and personally.

We met while working at Sundara Spa, both pregnant, both navigating uncertain chapters, and both unknowingly planting the seeds of who we would become.

So, in this episode of Unwritten, we talked not just about her life now—but the winding path it took to get there. What unfolded was a beautiful, honest conversation about fear, creativity, motherhood, healing, and learning to define success on your own terms.

The Myth of “Making It”

Is creating a life you love success?

For so long, both of us believed that “making it” meant being busy, being seen, being successful by other people’s standards. Shawndell shared how, early in her career, she thought performing was the pinnacle of success—and teaching music was just something she’d do “for now.” But over time, she realized that teaching was the thing that lit her up. It wasn’t a fallback. It was her calling.

“Even if you make a difference in one or two people’s lives… you’ve made it.”

That simple truth hit home. We don’t need a massive audience, a packed tour schedule, or a perfect Instagram feed to matter. What we need is connection, purpose, and space to be who we are.

The Power of Creative Expression (at Any Age)

What I love most about Shawndell is how she invites people—especially adults—into creativity. Through voice and piano lessons, she creates space for people to use their voices, often for the first time in decades. She helps them move past shame and perfectionism and into joy.

And there’s a kind of healing that happens when adults remember they’re allowed to play.

“We all get stuck in ruts, but creativity helps us feel alive again.”

Whether it’s singing in a private lesson or performing at a cozy adult showcase (wine optional), Shawndell believes in creating safe spaces where people can feel seen—and heard.

Defining Success for Yourself

As we wrapped our conversation, Shawndell said something that I can’t stop thinking about:

“Success, for me, is having flexibility. It’s feeling fulfilled. It’s making a difference—even if it’s just one person at a time.”

And maybe that’s the invitation here—for all of us. To stop measuring ourselves by how busy we are, or how perfect it looks from the outside, and to start asking:
Does this feel like me?
Does this bring me joy?
Can I love my life without needing to prove anything to anyone else?

I hope this conversation on creating the life you love inspires you the way it inspired me. To chase what calls to you. To take the first

Want to follow Shawndell?

You can find her performance schedule, music, and more at ShawndellMarksMusic.com. She also posts on Instagram and Facebook, and she’s part of several incredible music projects—like Gold Dust Women and Spare Bones—bringing heart, harmony, and depth to every stage she steps on.

Follow Along

Subscribe to my podcast Unwritten, where we talk to people—especially those over 40—who’ve made bold changes and embraced their most authentic lives.

Listen To More Podcast Episodes

Creating a Life You Love

April 20, 2025

No Comments

Creating a Life You Love with Shawndell Marks What does it really mean to “make it”? That question kept weaving its way through my latest

About Steph Shanks

Entries by Steph Shanks

Journal Prompts for Releasing the Past

Is It Time for Your Next Chapter to Be Seen?

For the Woman in the Middle of the Mess

Small Shifts Create Big Transformations

Contact Me