Choosing yourself after trauma
Choosing Yourself After Trauma
There’s a country song called Remember When by Alan Jackson that recently stopped me in my tracks. It’s tender and nostalgic—a look back on a long, loving marriage, a life built together, weathered and wise.
But when I heard it, I didn’t feel comfort.
I felt a deep sadness.
Because I realized—I’ve never had that.
What I’ve had instead is pain, betrayal, control, abandonment. I’ve been the daughter who was never enough. The wife who was taken for granted, used, or manipulated. The mother trying her best to hold it all together with broken tools and an open heart.
I’m 44 now. My kids are grown or almost grown—27, 27, and 17. And I carry this ache that maybe I failed them. That maybe I failed myself.
But something in me has shifted.
Not because someone saved me.
But because I started choosing myself after trauma.
And so I wrote this. Not as a love song between two people—but as a soul song for any woman who has ever been made to feel like she was the problem. For anyone who has lived through narcissistic abuse, emotional abandonment, or toxic love… and is still here.
If You’re on Your Own Healing Journey
This post is for the woman who is starting over—after emotional abuse, after divorce, after years of putting everyone else first. Remember, choosing yourself after trauma isn’t selfish
If you’ve ever wondered:
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Is it too late to find peace?
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How do I stop feeling like I failed my kids?
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How can I reclaim my voice and worth after toxic love?
You’re not alone. And it’s not too late.
This is the beginning of your real story.
Remember When (I Chose Me)
A healing anthem for the woman who’s still standing
Remember when
I thought love meant staying quiet
Swallowed dreams to keep the peace
Played small so they’d stay near
I lost myself to keep them whole
And cried in silence, year by year
Remember when
I smiled through the damage
Wore shame like second skin
Thought it was my fault again
I gave and gave and gave some more
Still they left, or took, or broke me in
But then one day
The ache turned into anger
And anger into flame
I looked into the mirror
And whispered my own name
I saw the girl who dreamed of more
And realized—I wasn’t to blame
Remember when
I chose to stop pretending
I burned the script they handed me
And wrote my own instead
I held my heart with both my hands
And grieved the past I never had
Remember when
I loved my children fiercely
Not with a perfect storybook
But with truth, and grit, and grace
I showed them what redemption looks like
In a woman finding her place
Remember when
I stopped needing their permission
And turned the pain into a path
I stood up tall, became my own
And left no love for last
And maybe I won’t dance slow at dusk
With a man who held me through
But I will dance with peace inside
Because I held myself back too
Remember when…
I finally came home to me
Final Reflection
If this spoke to your heart, there are a few ways to keep exploring this journey with me:
🎙️ Listen to the Podcast
I share real stories of women over 40 who are rewriting the rules and reclaiming their truth.
→ Search “Unwritten” on your favorite podcast app or listen here: Unwritten
📷 Book a Portrait Session
Let’s capture this new season of your life—the one where you feel seen, powerful, and free to just be you.
→ Contact Me Today!
📖 Download “The Permission Slip” Workbook
If you’re ready to stop seeking validation and start trusting your own voice, this free workbook will help you release old guilt and reconnect with your self-worth.
→ Click Here To Get It Delivered To Your Inbox
You are not unlovable.
You were just waiting to be seen by the right person.
Start with you.