Moving Beyond Comparison and Competition
Moving Beyond Comparison and Competition Into Self-Love and Acceptance
The journey begins with recognizing comparison and competition not as benchmarks of success but as distractions from our true paths. It’s easy to feel lesser in our own eyes when we measure ourselves against the polished images and accomplishments of others, whether that’s through social media, advertisements, or even the expectations of those around us.
Comparison
Comparison is the thief of joy.” I often share an analogy with friends and clients who find themselves ensnared in the web of comparison. Imagine you’re standing at a train station, awaiting the train that will whisk you away to your unique destination. Beside you pulls up a train gleaming with allure—equipped with the most comfortable seats, dazzling lights, and all imaginable luxuries. Meanwhile, your train hasn’t even arrived, or perhaps it seems modest in comparison. But here’s the thing: no matter how enticing the other train appears, it’s not headed to your destination. Your path—much like your brand, your craft, and the connections you forge with your clients—is uniquely yours. I’ve walked in those shoes, tempted by what others possess, thinking it might fill a void or bring a sense of achievement. However, true fulfillment comes from pursuing your own path, and embracing the journey that’s meant for you and your business. Letting go of comparison is crucial, for it frees you to move forward, following the route that’s authentically aligned with your vision and the experiences you wish to create. So, let’s focus on our own tracks, for that’s where our true journey unfolds.
Competition
I had always believed in the power of my photography to tell stories, to capture moments that spoke to the heart. Yet, seeing other photographers’ photos, likes, and shares on Facebook made me feel less than others. With every scroll, I felt a twinge of envy. Their success, measured in likes and engagement, seemed so much more than my own, making me question my talents and the path I had chosen.
One day, I paused on a photo I had taken—a simple, yet profound moment I had captured, one that had always resonated deeply with me. It didn’t have hundreds of likes or shares, but it was meaningful. In that moment of reflection, I realized how far I had strayed from what truly mattered.
I decided then to change my perspective. I began to focus on the stories I wanted to tell, the moments I felt compelled to capture. I embraced the idea that my photography was about connection, not competition.
As I look back on that period of doubt, I see it as a crucial turning point. It taught me that the only validation that truly matters is the one that comes from within, from knowing that I am pursuing my passion and staying true to my vision. The likes and shares? They’re just numbers. My real success is measured in the moments I capture and the stories I tell through my lens.
Moving Through It
Moving past comparison and competition to embrace self-love and self-worth is a transformative journey that requires intention, practice, and patience. Here are strategies to guide you through this journey:
1. Recognize and Redirect Your Thoughts
Awareness is the first step. When you catch yourself comparing your life or work to others, acknowledge the thought without judgment and gently redirect your focus to your own journey. Remind yourself that social media and external appearances often highlight only the successes, not the struggles.
2. Cultivate Gratitude
Start a daily practice of gratitude. Focus on the things you appreciate about yourself and your life. This can shift your perspective from what you lack to what you possess, fostering a sense of abundance and contentment.
3. Set Personal Goals
Define success on your own terms. Set personal and professional goals that are aligned with your values and aspirations, not with societal expectations or the achievements of others. Celebrate your progress towards these goals, however small.
4. Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself. Practice self-compassion by speaking to yourself as you would to a dear friend. Recognize that perfection is unattainable and that mistakes and setbacks are part of growth.
5. Limit Exposure to Triggers
If social media is a major source of comparison and dissatisfaction, consider limiting your exposure. Fill that time up with things you enjoy doing like going for walks, hiking, painting, or writing.
6. Celebrate Your Uniqueness
Embrace and celebrate what makes you unique. Recognize that your journey, with its ups and downs, contributes to your distinctive perspective and voice. Your individuality is your strength.
Conclusion
If I can move past comparison and competition, I know you can do it too! When we practice self-love and self-worth every day we learn that it is not a destination but a continuous journey. Remember, the only person you are in competition and comparison with is yourself, no matter what society, social media or your neighbors next door want you to believe.
As you navigate your journey towards self-love and self-worth, remember that each step you take is a celebration of your unique story. A powerful way to honor this journey is through capturing moments that reflect your true essence and the beauty of your individuality.
Contact me today to book your session!
What My Camera Taught Me About Confidence (That Therapy Didn’t)
What my camera taught me about confidence — that therapy didn’t — is this:
Confidence isn’t about having it all together. It’s about being willing to be seen exactly as you are.
Every time someone steps in front of my lens, I get a front-row seat to a quiet kind of bravery. They might be nervous, self-conscious, stiff in the beginning. They might joke about their “bad side” or ask me to photoshop something away.
But then… something happens.
A laugh escapes. A breath deepens. A moment of presence sneaks in. And in that flash — that click — the realness comes through. The person, not the performance.
Confidence isn’t a pose. It’s presence.
You can sense it when someone’s in their body. When they’re not performing or perfecting, just… being. It’s not about knowing what to do with your hands. It’s about letting your guard down just enough to be real.
The lens reflects what we allow it to see.
Want to look strong? Show up with your truth. Want to look soft? Let yourself be felt. The camera doesn’t demand — it mirrors.
Most people are their own worst critics.
I’ve photographed people who literally couldn’t see how magnetic they were until I showed them. And the best reactions? They’re never “Wow, I look hot.” They’re more like: “That’s me? That’s really me?”
You are not a problem to be fixed.
Every version of you — the one who’s awkward, the one who’s radiant, the one in transition — deserves to be seen. You’re not waiting for a better version. You are the moment.
So yeah, therapy is great. But if you want a short, potent lesson in self-acceptance? Step in front of a camera. Or turn yours on and catch yourself laughing mid-song. Or deep in thought. Or simply being.
You might be surprised by what you see.
And how good it feels to see yourself — fully.
Final Reflections
If this spoke to your heart, there are a few ways to keep exploring this journey with me:
🎙️ Listen to the Podcast
I share real stories of women over 40 who are rewriting the rules and reclaiming their truth.
→ Search “Unwritten” on your favorite podcast app or listen here: Unwritten
📷 Book a Portrait Session
Let’s capture this new season of your life—the one where you feel seen, powerful, and free to just be you.
→ Contact Me Today!
📖 Download “The Permission Slip” Workbook
If you’re ready to stop seeking validation and start trusting your own voice, this free workbook will help you release old guilt and reconnect with your self-worth.
→ Click Here To Get It Delivered To Your Inbox
You are not unlovable.
You were just waiting to be seen by the right person.
Start with you.
How childhood conditioning shapes our love and money stories isn’t always obvious at first — but it’s often the root of why we shrink, overgive, or feel stuck in cycles that don’t reflect who we really are.
How Childhood Conditioning Shapes Our Love and Money Stories (And How to Rewrite Them)
If you’re a woman over 40 trying to understand why love and money still feel so complicated, you’re not alone.
How childhood conditioning shapes our love and money stories isn’t always obvious at first — but it’s often the root of why we shrink, overgive, or feel stuck in cycles that don’t reflect who we really are.
Many of us grew up in homes where emotional needs were seen as burdens. Where love was earned through performance. Where survival came before self-expression.
In love, business, and even our relationship with money — we learned to play it safe.
I grew up watching my parents work themselves to the bone. They gave everything to their jobs, and what little was left went to my brother and me. They weren’t bad people — they were doing their best. But it shaped how I showed up in the world.
I learned early on that to feel safe, I needed to be easy.
Low-maintenance.
Self-sufficient.
Emotionally undemanding.
And this followed me into adulthood. Into every relationship. Every dollar I tried to earn. Every business decision I made.
Childhood Beliefs That Keep Us Stuck
As I began healing my emotional patterns and doing deeper inner work, I uncovered a list of beliefs that had quietly ruled my life:
If I express pain or anger, I’ll be punished or ignored.
If I show my true emotions, I’ll be rejected.
If I want more, I’m ungrateful.
Receiving is selfish.
If I work hard enough, I’ll eventually be rewarded.
If I’m easy to love, they’ll choose me.
If I don’t ask for too much, they won’t leave.
If I’m self-sufficient and low-maintenance, I’ll finally be loved.
These beliefs kept me emotionally safe as a child.
But as an adult woman trying to build a soulful life and business, they kept me small.
How childhood conditioning shapes our love and money stories isn’t just theoretical — it’s visceral. It lives in your nervous system. It whispers in your relationships and finances until you name it, rewire it, and choose differently.
Rewriting Your Subconscious Beliefs About Love and Money
If you’re on your own healing journey and want to change your relationship with love, money, or self-worth — start with your thoughts. Start by replacing old beliefs with new affirmations that align with the woman you’re becoming.
Here are the affirmations I use when those limiting beliefs try to resurface:
My emotions are valid. I am safe to be seen and heard.
I am allowed to want more — my desires are sacred.
Receiving is a spiritual practice, not a selfish one.
I do not need to overwork to be worthy of abundance.
I am not too much. I am exactly right for the love I deserve.
I can be supported, messy, vulnerable — and still be fully loved.
These affirmations have become part of my daily self-love and money mindset routine. They’re how I’m healing my inner child and rewriting my subconscious beliefs — one gentle truth at a time.
Healing Is a Choice We Make Over and Over
If you’re navigating emotional healing in midlife — learning to receive, express, and show up differently in your relationships and finances — I want you to know:
You are not broken.
You are becoming.
And how childhood conditioning shapes our love and money stories doesn’t have to define your future.
You get to rewrite the story.
You get to choose what comes next.
Final Reflection
What if the beliefs that kept you safe as a child no longer need to be the ones guiding your life?
What if you could rewrite the story — not by blaming the past, but by honoring the strength it took to survive it… and choosing something softer, truer, and more expansive now?
You get to want more. You get to receive. You get to take up space.
You get to be loved — not for what you do, but for who you are.
Pause and ask yourself:
Which belief am I ready to release today? And what truth will I choose instead?
This is how healing begins — not all at once, but moment by moment.
You don’t need to rush.
You’re already on the bridge.
If this spoke to your heart, there are a few ways to keep exploring this journey with me:
🎙️ Listen to the Podcast
I share real stories of women over 40 who are rewriting the rules and reclaiming their truth.
→ Search “Unwritten” on your favorite podcast app or listen here: Unwritten
📷 Book a Portrait Session
Let’s capture this new season of your life—the one where you feel seen, powerful, and free to just be you.
→ Contact Me Today!
📖 Download “The Permission Slip” Workbook
If you’re ready to stop seeking validation and start trusting your own voice, this free workbook will help you release old guilt and reconnect with your self-worth.
→ Click Here To Get It Delivered To Your Inbox
You are not unlovable.
You were just waiting to be seen by the right person.
Start with you.
Your Done Doing All The Emotional Labor, Now What?
You’ve reached that moment—the one where you finally see it:
You’ve been carrying the emotional labor in your relationships.
Not just the logistics. Not just the to-do lists.
But the emotional weight of everything: keeping the peace, managing moods, holding space, soothing tension, softening your truth, and doing the invisible work to make sure everyone else feels okay.
That’s emotional labor. And it’s exhausting.
If you’re a woman over 40, chances are you’ve been doing it for decades—often without even realizing it. But now that you see it, now that you’re done with it… the question becomes: Now what?
Get Honest About What It’s Cost You
Before you can release emotional labor, you have to acknowledge the toll it’s taken.
Emotional labor doesn’t just leave you tired—it leaves you disconnected from yourself. From your wants. Your joy. Your body. Your breath.
It shows up as:
Resentment that simmers beneath your smile
Guilt when you say “no”
A constant sense of responsibility for other people’s comfort
A quiet ache that says, “I’m always the one holding this together.”
Naming the cost isn’t selfish. It’s sacred. It’s how you begin to take your energy back.
Rewire the Guilt Response
One of the first things that shows up when you stop over-functioning?
Guilt.
It will whisper things like:
“You’re being mean.”
“They need you.”
“You’re abandoning them.”
But guilt isn’t a red flag.
It’s a withdrawal symptom. It’s your nervous system adjusting to a new identity—one where love doesn’t mean self-sacrifice.
Here’s the truth:
You are not responsible for other people’s emotions.
You are responsible for being honest, boundaried, and rooted in your truth.
Let the guilt come. Then let it pass.
You’re not doing something wrong. You’re doing something different.
Practice Letting People Hold Themselves
This is where the unlearning gets real.
If you’ve been the emotional rock for others, it will feel unnatural—maybe even cruel—to watch someone sit in discomfort without rushing to fix it.
But here’s the shift:
Just because someone is hurting doesn’t mean you have to be the one to carry it.
You can say:
“I trust you’ll figure this out.”
“I hear you. I don’t have the capacity to take that on right now.”
“That sounds hard. I’m holding space, but I can’t fix this for you.”
Let people hold their own emotions.
Let them rise to meet themselves.
That’s where true connection is born—not through over-functioning, but through mutual presence.
Reclaim Your Energy + Build New Boundaries from the Inside Out
Once you stop pouring all your emotional energy outward, you’ll feel something unfamiliar but powerful: space.
At first, that space might feel uncomfortable—like silence after constant noise. But eventually, you’ll realize that this is where your life begins again. This is where your intuition gets louder. Where your body softens. Where your joy returns in quiet, surprising ways.
And to protect that energy, you need to build boundaries—not just with others, but within yourself.
Here’s how to start:
The Internal Boundary That Changes Everything:
“I don’t have to explain or justify why I need space, rest, or time.”
You’re allowed to choose you.
Not because you’re hard or cold or selfish—but because you’ve spent enough years choosing everyone else first.
Your energy is yours now. Protect it like it matters—because it does.
Micro-Boundaries You Can Practice Today:
Pause before saying yes. Breathe. Ask, “Do I really want to do this?”
Let texts sit unanswered until you have the energy to respond intentionally.
Say “I need time to think about that” instead of defaulting to people-pleasing.
Begin honoring your emotional bandwidth like your most sacred resource.
💛 You’re Not Losing Love—You’re Finding Yourself
Letting go of emotional labor doesn’t mean you’re walking away from love.
It means you’re walking away from love that required you to shrink to keep it.
From roles that asked you to earn your worth by overgiving.
From dynamics where your needs were always last.
You’re not losing love—you’re finding your way back to yourself.
And that is the deepest, most honest kind of love there is.
🎙️ Listen to the Podcast
I share real stories of women over 40 who are rewriting the rules and reclaiming their truth.
→ Search “Unwritten” on your favorite podcast app or listen here: Unwritten
📷 Book a Portrait Session
Let’s capture this new season of your life—the one where you feel seen, powerful, and free to just be you.
→ Contact Me Today!
📖 Download “The Permission Slip” Workbook
If you’re ready to stop seeking validation and start trusting your own voice, this free workbook will help you release old guilt and reconnect with your self-worth.
→ Click Here To Get It Delivered To Your Inbox
You are not unlovable.
You were just waiting to be seen by the right person.
Start with you.
